FORGIVENESS???? Really? WHy Not? Better? Definately....

Wow....how great it feels to know that the LORD forgives us of our sins, no matter how great or small they are in our eyes...when we mess up we want "forgiveness", right? I do. But when others mess up around us...are we then so willing to forgive? There have been many times that I have wrapped myself up in my own "self righteousness" and basically say "I'm done with that" "I would NEVER do that" "Who do they think they are?" Nope, your not getting my forgiveness, If I had been you, I would have been smarter than that...I would NOT mess up like you have..... Have you ever felt that way, or even went as far as to tell someone those things? (shamefully hand raised) I HAVE. So, lately that is where I have found myself. I want the forgiveness and the peace that comes along with being forgiven for my wrong doings, BUT I have always had a hard time of giving out forgiveness to others. Instead I would build up the highest wall to those people or person, and dare you to climb over it or even attempt to tear it down. There would be moments that I might open the door to you, all the while holding my shield in one hand, and my sword in the other, I would protect myself...and fight back if need be. Yep, always protecting me, myself and I.

But you know what? Lately, I found myself eating alot of my words....this "meal" that I have created started out being the most bitter taste that I have ever had in my mouth.....the ingredients are awful and the more that I blended them together the worse it got. Some of the ingredients such as anger, bitterness, hatefulness, lonliness, grief, are all included in this "recipe", all had almost equal measurements.....the more I stirred them the thicker they became. It was not a pretty conconction either. But somewhere in the middle of this chaos...something changed. I saw me for ME....I saw all my mistakes, I saw all my failures, I saw how bitter that I was.... and I didn't like it. I was "disrobed" from all my "self righteous" behaviour. Sometimes, it feels better to see everyone else's failures and shortcomings,than to see my own. I bet I am the only one that is like this, right? Hello, can I see a show of hands. Anywho....after seeing just how horrible I can be and how horrible I would be with out the help and Grace of GOD.... I tried this forgiveness thing out....If I dare want to be forgiven...should I not offer forgiveness to those around me? So, I tried it out. I didn't think I could BUT, I looked around one day and I had less of those feelings.... i am finding that forgiving people is very healthy for my soul. The LORD is helping me.... and replacing those awful feelings with understanding, patience, love, and a little bit of happiness. I think I might like this forgiveness thing......

Tonya