He knows how much sand is on the shore.........

We are just returning form our vacation from Ocracoke Island North Carolina. We had visited there 7 years ago, almost to the date. Our vacation was much different this time around from the time before. 7 years ago, we went on a family vacation, Kevin and I and all our children: Shawn, Brooklyn and Hannah. We were a complete family of 5. Going back to the small Island that Brooklyn loved was bittersweet for me. When we were there 7 years ago, we were listening to XM radio and a song came on, He Knows my Name.... Brooklyn sang right along with the radio, knowing every word, and not missing a beat. "How do you know that song, Brooklyn?" I asked. She replied, "Oh, I heard it the other day" That song would go on to be her "signature song". She would sing it all the time. I always thought of it as "her song". But since she left, it has became the song on my heart, but became even more real to me, as I sat on the beach Monday afternoon, Memorial Day. The weather was perfect, blue skies, sunshine, breeze blowing in face, hearing the waves come crashing in on the shore. There was peace. As I sat there reflecting over life, seeing the kids playing in the water, missing my baby that once graced this same shore, I was picking up sand in my hand and letting it fall back to the ground, when I went to dust the sand off my hands, I really took notice of just how small a grain of sand is. I was reminded right at that very moment... He KNOWS how much sand is on the shore..... and I started humming Brooklyn's song...He knows my name. I told Kevin, I said here for the last year, I have struggled over the most stupidest things, disappointment in people, untrusting in teachings, doubt, confusion......and thinking that there is no way that GOD is going to really help me but all of a sudden, I realized that if he cares enough to know how many speaks of sand it takes to create his shores, how many stars there is in the sky, and that if he takes notice when one of his sparrows fall.... then he has to really care about me. HE KNOWS MY NAME? Lord, you really know who I am? I am nobody. I have nothing to offer you. I am so broken, that I don't know how I can be fixed. I have no idea what my "gift" is, what I am suppose to do for you, I have been told that I am limited in your works, due to my past..... How can you care about me? Kevin and I took a walk up the shore line looking for shells, I picked up a broken shell, you could tell that it once had been a beautiful shell, but that it had been broken, possibly from the crashing of the waves, being trampled over so many times, no telling how long it had laid there on that beach, it wasn't wanted.... Kevin, how about this one? he looked it over and said, "Nay, its broken, I would throw it back.... you see we had been looking for those "perfect shells". The ones that were unbroken, still beautiful still whole. My thoughts were, I am like this shell, I'm broken, ugly, useless, I hope God doesn't throw me back. He knows my name...... every step that I take, every move that I make, every tear that I've cried. He knows my name, when I'm overwhelmed by the pain, can't see the light of day, I know I'll be just fine...cause he knows my name....... My hearts desire is to make it to Heaven. I have endured some rough "seas" in my life span, more heart ache than I would like to share.... I think I will hold on a little longer.... I am serving the one that not only created the waves, but he walks on top of them..... I KNOW IN WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED... I have always found him to be faithful. Now to just sit quietly and wait. Heaven will be worth the journey. The waves of life may have knocked me down, I may be fighting against the rip tides of life that is trying to pull me out, but I do not plan on dying from a dry drowning. I will come out of this valley..... He knows HOW MUCH SAND is on the shore......