This is my Story.......
Bitterness: anger or disappointment at being treated unfairly: resentment
I could probably add on many more feelings or adjectives associated with the definition of bitterness. For many years I struggled with bitterness- feelings that when it first started I didn't even know what it was. The bitterness that I experienced came on gradually, it started with someone saying something to me over something so stupid and I felt like I didn't do anything wrong but "got in trouble for it anyways" ( mind you I am a grown woman) . This hurt came from the most unlikely place- Church. Now- I want to say first off this is MY STORY- this is what happened to me. I am not slamming any certain person or persons, church or any affiliations associated with any said person or places.
I have met people over the last few years, and we have talked about church- When I ask them why they don't go to church anymore, I hear so often, well I got hurt by someone in the church. Sadly this happens way to often. In my own experience I found that being hurt by someone in the church has such a profound affect on you and seems to hurt worse and harder to get over than for it to happen by someone outside of the church- (does that make sense?)
I am not going to go in details of the hurts that I faced- and I don't want to focus on that hurt. I want to share with you MY STORY- OF DELIVERANCE from bitterness.
Over the years- the bitterness began to grow within me. I still loved the LORD, I still wanted to serve him, I still went to church every service, but the bitterness continued to grow within me and I knew I could not go to Heaven with it in my heart. It may have started with one person, then maybe another person says something to you- that adds on to the bitterness- til it got- that so much was said or done that you collectively put it all together and just hate the association of people all together.
Kevin USE to say that once I had a grudge - I held on to it pretty tightly- and would take it to my grave with me. He was right- BACK THEN.
The bitterness that I had - I owned it- it was the first thing that was on my mind when I woke up and the last thing on my mind when I went to bed. It grew daily- and when I heard from someone else that so and so hurt them too- well it just made me even more bitter. I just tell you - if your my friend- Ill hate your enemy right with you- if they do you wrong. (or at least I use to)
Ephesians 4: 31-32- Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye KIND to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
I would get in the prayer line at church very OFTEN- I wanted delivered from bitterness so bad. I not only had hate in my heart toward some people but I also hated myself- because why did I allow myself to allow others to hurt me? I became a shell of the person that I use to be. I didn't trust anyone and the very few people I allowed in my circle - I kept even them at arms length. No one was going to hurt me any longer. I found that for so long my prayer was God please help me. Please help me not to feel this way. I was not a productive Christian. I was barely keeping my head above water. I was not out sinning and was living the standard to the T. But deep within me - I was being eaten away by bitterness. I can vouch - if you are an unhappy person, you will bring everyone around you down as well- and then if you get a bunch of unhappy people together - well you just feast off everyones bitterness.
There came a day that I was so fed up- like many other days before me- I had - literally had all I could take. Again, I would go get in prayer line- begging God to please help me. Please Forgive me- please restore unto me the Joy of my salvation. and I would get help but then I would go home and there it would be - bitterness.
May 1, 2016 at a little church called Evans Chapel Holiness Church- It felt like a normal Sunday morning- but it would end up being anything but normal. Now this is where this story gets good- The service that morning- got started - I don't remember the details of how the prayer line got started. I remember standing back on the left hand side of the church about mid way up- I stood there and wanted so bad to go get in the prayer line- I remember thinking- Lord I can't keep walking around this mountain of bitterness- I've been walking around it for 10 years now- I'm so tired, I don't want to go get prayed for again and leave again the same way I came. I reminded him of when Jacob wrestled with the angel and said I won't let go until you bless me- but I was saying in my heart- I won't let go until you deliver me from this bitterness- I'd been holding on for 10 years---- I went and got in that prayer line that day. I was standing on the right side of the alter- arms up stretched - pleading for help. I won't let go Lord- it might not be today- it might not be tomorrow- Im going to hold on til you deliver me- I can't do it myself- the hurt was real- my feelings were real- and it was killing me. I stood there for sometime- praying and pleading- while other saints of God was gathered around me. I don't know who was there and who was not. It didn't matter to me- I had one plea and it was for the LORD to please deliver me. Have you ever prayed and felt like Lord, I know you are hearing me- but I desperately need you to touch me and make yourself so real to me. Did I expect God to show up that day- I knew that God would strengthen me and help me like he had all the other times- I just wasn't so sure that the bitterness would leave. But then something so miraculous happened to me- while standing there - arms up raised, tears flowing down my face- I felt 2 fingers that touched the left side of my head- I do not know if someone praying for me physically touched me or if it was the hand of God- either way- instantly it was as if my mind was washed clean - I can't explain it, I can't describe the feeling in my mind and in my heart - but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the LORD touched me- and for the first time in 10 years the bitterness was gone. GONE. Its been a year and 4 days since my Deliverance Day. The bitterness is still gone That day I was not only delivered from bitterness but the LORD restored to me the Joy of my salvation. From that moment on- I have been changed. I see people differently- I love people - I want to help people- I have compassion for others, My desire is to show others the LOVE OF CHRIST. being bitter, mean, and hateful is not of GOD. tearing others down is not Christ like. ( I am not nor will I advocate for sin) but the sinner needs to know that GOD is loving and HIS people are loving and they will get down beside you and help you to get out of sin. Showing them and leading them to Jesus- the only one that can forgive sin- My pastor (Ashely Noe) preached a couple weeks ago- and something he said has so stuck in my mind- "IF GOD allowed his son to die for you- he will NOT withhold his forgiveness from you"- sometimes we may feel or others may have us to believe that GOD is a mean GOD that if you mess up that he will not forgive you- that is not so. He is a forgiving GOD- Jesus died on that cross for OUR sins and there is forgiveness for those sins.
1Peter 4:8- And above all things have fervent charity (LOVE) among yourselves; for Charity (LOVE) shall cover a multitude of sins.
I have learned so much from what I have gone through- I have learned how to treat people and how not to treat to people. I have learned that the devil may not be able to get you to go out and outwardly sin- but if you hate your brother or sister - or cause discord within the house of GOD- you are in sin, and it comes so gradual and undetected for the most part.
If you have been hurt by someone in a church- Don't give up on God. Don't miss heaven because someone hurt you. Don't quit church because of others- We all have an individual race that we are running- Don't sit down on the side of the road- and lose out on serving GOD- the pain from the hurt is real- its unbearable at times- I know this - but I want to encourage you- HOLD ON TO GOD. there is a song that I love so much - I held on til the storm was over- the first course goes like this:
You ask me how it is that I'm still standing
You wonder how I made it through this storm
I can't boast of any special powers
There's no secret, I just held on
Hold on- God can Deliver you. and he may use the hurt that you went through to help others.
1 Corinthians 1: 3-5: Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the FATHER of mercies, and the GOD of all comfort ( I really like that verse) Who comforteth us in ALL our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. FOR as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
I guess this is my Testimony Thursday. Have a Blessed Day!
I could probably add on many more feelings or adjectives associated with the definition of bitterness. For many years I struggled with bitterness- feelings that when it first started I didn't even know what it was. The bitterness that I experienced came on gradually, it started with someone saying something to me over something so stupid and I felt like I didn't do anything wrong but "got in trouble for it anyways" ( mind you I am a grown woman) . This hurt came from the most unlikely place- Church. Now- I want to say first off this is MY STORY- this is what happened to me. I am not slamming any certain person or persons, church or any affiliations associated with any said person or places.
I have met people over the last few years, and we have talked about church- When I ask them why they don't go to church anymore, I hear so often, well I got hurt by someone in the church. Sadly this happens way to often. In my own experience I found that being hurt by someone in the church has such a profound affect on you and seems to hurt worse and harder to get over than for it to happen by someone outside of the church- (does that make sense?)
I am not going to go in details of the hurts that I faced- and I don't want to focus on that hurt. I want to share with you MY STORY- OF DELIVERANCE from bitterness.
Over the years- the bitterness began to grow within me. I still loved the LORD, I still wanted to serve him, I still went to church every service, but the bitterness continued to grow within me and I knew I could not go to Heaven with it in my heart. It may have started with one person, then maybe another person says something to you- that adds on to the bitterness- til it got- that so much was said or done that you collectively put it all together and just hate the association of people all together.
Kevin USE to say that once I had a grudge - I held on to it pretty tightly- and would take it to my grave with me. He was right- BACK THEN.
The bitterness that I had - I owned it- it was the first thing that was on my mind when I woke up and the last thing on my mind when I went to bed. It grew daily- and when I heard from someone else that so and so hurt them too- well it just made me even more bitter. I just tell you - if your my friend- Ill hate your enemy right with you- if they do you wrong. (or at least I use to)
Ephesians 4: 31-32- Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye KIND to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
I would get in the prayer line at church very OFTEN- I wanted delivered from bitterness so bad. I not only had hate in my heart toward some people but I also hated myself- because why did I allow myself to allow others to hurt me? I became a shell of the person that I use to be. I didn't trust anyone and the very few people I allowed in my circle - I kept even them at arms length. No one was going to hurt me any longer. I found that for so long my prayer was God please help me. Please help me not to feel this way. I was not a productive Christian. I was barely keeping my head above water. I was not out sinning and was living the standard to the T. But deep within me - I was being eaten away by bitterness. I can vouch - if you are an unhappy person, you will bring everyone around you down as well- and then if you get a bunch of unhappy people together - well you just feast off everyones bitterness.
There came a day that I was so fed up- like many other days before me- I had - literally had all I could take. Again, I would go get in prayer line- begging God to please help me. Please Forgive me- please restore unto me the Joy of my salvation. and I would get help but then I would go home and there it would be - bitterness.
May 1, 2016 at a little church called Evans Chapel Holiness Church- It felt like a normal Sunday morning- but it would end up being anything but normal. Now this is where this story gets good- The service that morning- got started - I don't remember the details of how the prayer line got started. I remember standing back on the left hand side of the church about mid way up- I stood there and wanted so bad to go get in the prayer line- I remember thinking- Lord I can't keep walking around this mountain of bitterness- I've been walking around it for 10 years now- I'm so tired, I don't want to go get prayed for again and leave again the same way I came. I reminded him of when Jacob wrestled with the angel and said I won't let go until you bless me- but I was saying in my heart- I won't let go until you deliver me from this bitterness- I'd been holding on for 10 years---- I went and got in that prayer line that day. I was standing on the right side of the alter- arms up stretched - pleading for help. I won't let go Lord- it might not be today- it might not be tomorrow- Im going to hold on til you deliver me- I can't do it myself- the hurt was real- my feelings were real- and it was killing me. I stood there for sometime- praying and pleading- while other saints of God was gathered around me. I don't know who was there and who was not. It didn't matter to me- I had one plea and it was for the LORD to please deliver me. Have you ever prayed and felt like Lord, I know you are hearing me- but I desperately need you to touch me and make yourself so real to me. Did I expect God to show up that day- I knew that God would strengthen me and help me like he had all the other times- I just wasn't so sure that the bitterness would leave. But then something so miraculous happened to me- while standing there - arms up raised, tears flowing down my face- I felt 2 fingers that touched the left side of my head- I do not know if someone praying for me physically touched me or if it was the hand of God- either way- instantly it was as if my mind was washed clean - I can't explain it, I can't describe the feeling in my mind and in my heart - but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the LORD touched me- and for the first time in 10 years the bitterness was gone. GONE. Its been a year and 4 days since my Deliverance Day. The bitterness is still gone That day I was not only delivered from bitterness but the LORD restored to me the Joy of my salvation. From that moment on- I have been changed. I see people differently- I love people - I want to help people- I have compassion for others, My desire is to show others the LOVE OF CHRIST. being bitter, mean, and hateful is not of GOD. tearing others down is not Christ like. ( I am not nor will I advocate for sin) but the sinner needs to know that GOD is loving and HIS people are loving and they will get down beside you and help you to get out of sin. Showing them and leading them to Jesus- the only one that can forgive sin- My pastor (Ashely Noe) preached a couple weeks ago- and something he said has so stuck in my mind- "IF GOD allowed his son to die for you- he will NOT withhold his forgiveness from you"- sometimes we may feel or others may have us to believe that GOD is a mean GOD that if you mess up that he will not forgive you- that is not so. He is a forgiving GOD- Jesus died on that cross for OUR sins and there is forgiveness for those sins.
1Peter 4:8- And above all things have fervent charity (LOVE) among yourselves; for Charity (LOVE) shall cover a multitude of sins.
I have learned so much from what I have gone through- I have learned how to treat people and how not to treat to people. I have learned that the devil may not be able to get you to go out and outwardly sin- but if you hate your brother or sister - or cause discord within the house of GOD- you are in sin, and it comes so gradual and undetected for the most part.
If you have been hurt by someone in a church- Don't give up on God. Don't miss heaven because someone hurt you. Don't quit church because of others- We all have an individual race that we are running- Don't sit down on the side of the road- and lose out on serving GOD- the pain from the hurt is real- its unbearable at times- I know this - but I want to encourage you- HOLD ON TO GOD. there is a song that I love so much - I held on til the storm was over- the first course goes like this:
You ask me how it is that I'm still standing
You wonder how I made it through this storm
I can't boast of any special powers
There's no secret, I just held on
Hold on- God can Deliver you. and he may use the hurt that you went through to help others.
1 Corinthians 1: 3-5: Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the FATHER of mercies, and the GOD of all comfort ( I really like that verse) Who comforteth us in ALL our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. FOR as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
I guess this is my Testimony Thursday. Have a Blessed Day!
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